"I don’t feel good enough". This is the most common phrase I encounter in the counseling room. Feeling not good enough can have an impact on everything from work to relationships, and everything in between. But where does it come from?
Where does feeling not good enough begin?
From the ages of 0 to 18, we develop beliefs about ourselves, others and the world. When we endure criticism, rejection or even heavily self-compare in childhood or adolescence, this then leads to a core belief around not being good enough. NCE’s or Noxious childhood experiences build core beliefs. NCE’s can include rejection from a parent or caregiver, negative self-comparison with a sibling or even bullying in school.
How does a negative core belief effect me present day?
When we feel not good enough, we fear vulnerability. More often than not, when we feel not good enough, this sparks feelings of being an ‘imposter’. Feeling like an imposter in work or in a relationship can feel that we need to put guards up or people will see our biggest fear that we aren’t good enough and will reject us as a result. This fear of rejection is something we can carry with our constantly, and it is a heavy weight to carry.
Due to fearing rejection and vulnerability, we adopt coping mechanisms in order to cover up or outrun that fear of vulnerability. This can look different to different people, but more often than not it can include self-sabotage. Feelings of guilt, blame, shame, being unlovable or imperfect can spark pleasing, avoidance, perfectionism, imitation, seeking reassurance or even compulsive lying. In some cases, cheating or dishonesty can be last case resorts to escape feelings of guilt or shame.
What does this cost me?
The biggest difficulty with feeling ‘not good enough’, is that you never allow yourself to be vulnerable or honest with the people around you, and this leads to isolation. Isolation and loneliness have been clinically proven to have a direct impact on our neurological patterns and brain function causes anxiety and depression.
How can I change things for the better?
CBT uses a two-pronged approach to challenge negative thinking patterns, about yourself and other people and directly targets harmful behaviors which are leading to isolation. Jessica Leigh CBT pulls in self-compassion and self-esteem building in order to ensure that you are building newly learned skills on a firm foundation.
For more information on how CBT can help you, please request a callback or drop us an inquiry.
Thank you for reading.